Four Days Later

Thoughts of Barbara have not pervaded too much. Visiting and saying goodbye has fixed an icon in my mind that I am able to draw on at will and use as a focus on which good memories can be hung. There is still pent up emotion which comes out when hearing pieces of music and that has made choosing music for her funeral both cathartic and confusing. Over Wednesday and Thursday I avoided people and their well-intentioned sympathy where possible for the same reason, but have started making simple statements of fact without becoming incoherent.

Thursday morning was spent trying to make sure all was in order for Barbara. Robert rang to get Lisa's address for a letter of condolence. The Relatives Support Office and I made contact and knowing the death certificate is not likely to be issued before Monday took a deal of stress away. In the afternoon I did some office work and attended a work meeting.I decided to start actively re-engaging with flickr as life does go on.

I thought Jen, who Barbara had been so friendly with, should know, but could find no address which would go directly to her, but found Jenny's and knowing they are friends, left a message. We have not had contact for years, but a response came quickly from Jenny, so word will spread.

My dear friend Gia has been a wonderful support. Deeanna found out from Gia and sent a sweet message and Pamela has reminded me of an invitation to Ireland.

Clearly, word is spreading, but I'm not sure how; Angela from the old SCCD days emailed, which was nice of her.

Friday was spent at the flat with Lisa and Doris, and we made good headway clearing the day-to-day things. At 4 pm I had my haircut and it was surprisingly easy talking to Karla. When I got home there were quite a few emails and I relaxed during the evening to the extent that I was posting back on flickr and commenting on pictures and I won £120 on the lottery instant wins.

Saturday, I just took it easy at home, tidying bits and pieces. I booked somewhere to stay near Dartmoor for October, ordered a new wig on the backs of last night's winnings as well as a a couple of tops and a tunic dress. I've been waiting all day for Hermes to pick up a Bonprix return.

Rather than dwell too much on the past, I have contacted Lindsay and will go and visit her before long. She talks of visiting Sutton Hoo and Anglo-Saxon Round Houses which are right up my street.

Tomorrow I shall go back to the flat in the late afternoon. Monty, the gender-indefinite budgerigar will have gone to  his/her new home and so there will be no need for the TV to stay and I 'll be able to bring it back with me.

In the end, the thought of the empty flat, without even Monty was too upsetting so I decided not to go.