A Few Memories

This isn't wallowing in sentiment; this is recalling being accused of controlling behaviour and worse still, theft, by Lisa's husband.

After Barbara died I went to her flat and gave Doris, who lives opposite,  the sad news. At Barbara's I removed her most intimate things that she wanted no one else to know about. I also cleaned up what may have be lucozade spills, or such, from her trolley and bedside cabinet and just tried to make her bedside clean and tidy. I found her secret stashes of sweets and binned them. I also phoned the solicitors, the undertakers and tried getting hold of the Relatives Support Office at the hospital. Later Lisa arrived. She started clearing food cupboards while I went round the flat collecting Barbara's prescription drugs to return to the pharmacy, which I did as well as get some fresh milk. Doris came in for a cup of tea and also helped clear some food.

We talked of bits and pieces, Lisa saying that Barbara's taste in ornaments etc. didn't match hers and I said there were things I could take. Nothing further was done that day except that after Lisa left I stripped the bed. Walking around my eyes fell on Barbara's painting and drawing things and I felt that this could be a living memory, something to use, something to ask Lisa about. On the Thursday I went to work. Lisa and I agreed to meet on the Friday to carry on clearing things. In the meantime the RSO at the WHH got in touch and it was agreed to use me as a point of contact.

On Friday I took some bubble wrap, my indoor tool box and an empty box over. I loaded my sewing machine into the car together with my photographs and a couple of ornaments loaned to Barbara. I then collected the ornaments that I had given Barbara together with a few things of Barbara's that would be nice memories and loaded them in the car (the fox and chicken ornament, the delft vase, the bronze and the Whitefriars vases which Lisa had previously indicated were of no interest to her). Doris came over and we discussed pictures and the funeral, including the Arab pictures, one of which had been damaged in the move from Folkestone and which I had at home as I was I was going to have reframed for Barbara. It was also agreed that I take the 40" TV.

After Lisa left I tidied the DVDs and CDs and put Lisa's wedding ring in the DVD drawer (she had taken it off to do some washing up and forgotten it). I got the small cage out for Monty. I took the tablet as that had information of mine on it, the Sainsbury's account (linked to my bank account) and link to my flickr account. I meant to clear those and return it and suggest Amy might like it.


I left a note for Lisa as if she did not want the small white IKEA units I could use them, also the cane dresser that Barbara had for her makeup parlour, and a reminder where I had put her ring. After I left I remembered the small window was open. I emailed Lisa to say about the window and that I might be over later Sunday pm. I did not receive a reply.

On the Sunday, I remained concerned about the window, knowing Monty was to be moved so I rang the flat and spoke to Lisa. She sounded fine and we joked about the window. She said that Mark had said that the Arab pictures had been promised to him by Barbara. I said I would bring back the damaged one.

This morning (Monday) I drove to the flat. I expected it would be time to get the death registered and start the ball rolling in respect of the reading of the will and the funeral. Lisa's car was parked there and I went up. Lisa wasn't there but Mark was. He ushered me into the living room and bade me sit down. He said it was all coming home to Lisa and I indicated that it was the same for me. He then launched into an outrageous diatribe, basically saying I was trying to control everything and was saying things were mine and taking them and that if I did not return them he would call the police. The order of the following may not be 100% but covers the thrust of what was said. Basically he said I was manipulating the situation; that the family could manage; and that he wanted to come round to my place because I said I had things from Francis Road there. (I had previously told Lisa that I still had stuff from there to sort out, but had not explained what (the mini fridge I had bought so Barbara didn't have to go down the stairs at night, lampshades etc.)). I showed him Barbara's will, which leaves everything to Lisa and told him Barbara and I had been lovers for 14 years. None of this seemed to give him cause to reflect ... ? At least three times Mark threatened to call the police and at one stage attempted to stop me leaving the flat. He then said he and Lisa would be sorting everything out ... funeral and all.

I went across to Doris's and gave her the cucumber I had picked from the greenhouse for her. I told her I'd been accused of stealing and that I was no longer involved in anything. Mark appeared, but nothing more was said. Doris does not need the hassle. I went down to the car and fetched the damaged Arab picture as I had said I would to Lisa. (I suspect that it is these that got Mark going - I didn't know and Lisa didn't know that Barbara had promised them to him - if she ever did).

He was on the phone to Lisa and passed the phone to me - Lisa basically said that she hadn't known what she was doing last week and they wanted the things back and that she didn't know Barbara and I had been lovers and that they were managing the funeral. I asked if I could I hang onto the painting things that I'd already mentioned to her on the phone. She said yes. I then turned to leave and Mark said Lisa wants to know if I'm still coming to the funeral - I finally burst and my reply was shouted - "No, after all, I'm only a friend, not family!"

Downstairs I talked to Glen explaining the change in situation and that I needed to bring a few things back but then would not need keys. He reminded me about the tenancy termination etc. I said it was nothing to do with me any more. He was sympathetic. I then went to my car and remembered the Ford keys and so I took those back and told Glen I would tell Mark about the termination as I had to return the keys.

Upstairs I handed Mark the keys, told him that the two CDs on the unit shelf had songs Barbara wanted and that Glen asked that they read the paperwork. Doris was in the kitchen - I said I would be in touch to her and then left.

In summary I was  manipulating, controlling and thieving. This evening I drove back to Ashford and deposited the things I thought I had willingly been given, together with the tablet and £200 contingency money.