13 November

I returned from Dartmoor feeling relaxed. I had decided that I would hand in my resignation on Tuesday unless I was given some clear idea as to why the approach to GI had changed. I spent the weekend washing and relaxing. On the Tuesday, I had a meeting with A and E-J at which A announced I would be starting the GI work in January. I was a little nonplussed by this 180 degree about-face and arranged with E-J to talk it through later that week.

Tom came over on the Friday and we just chatted, rather than do any painting (well I hadn't done any for a while). He was heading off somewhere in the evening which I later worked out was Club DV8. I'm not entirely sure he knew what he was heading into as he has no apparent interest in 'that' side of things. Then I thought, as someone who has been to North Korea, just out of interest, it may be that he takes all that in his stride - I can't wait to find out the next time he comes round!

On the evening of the 31st P came round and we set off for Greek evening class. That was something she had arranged (and paid for) in late September. Being in adult ed she could attend free. I had been in two minds as although she has been very supportive of the situation with Barbara, I was a little concerned that she sensed a vacuum that she could fill (in the nicest possible way). Her health had clearly deteriorated and she thought it might be an unusual side effect of the betablocker she had been prescribed for the left hand tremor.

My sister had also emailed her concern about P's health after the Tankerton visit. Although I can process what the outcome of this is likely to be, I am unable to 'engage' very much as I am still in grief over Barbara and I also am having some mild reaction to the space and time I suddenly find I have. If it is Parkinson's it is coming on very quickly and that could call for a major change in lifestyle for her and, by default, for me as I cannot countenance the idea of not supporting her when she is in need. She has a neurological consultation at the beginning of January, but needs some decent pain control until then.

The first part of November I have been pre-occupied with Barbara's birthday. I had earlier contacted Ashford BC and found out that her ashes had been interred in her father's grave in September and details of the grave location were emailed to me. I phoned Doris and arranged to pick her up to go to the cemetery on the morning of B's birthday (9th) to lay some flowers. There is no marker and I found her grave by counting those nearby. Doris has aged - she has great difficulty with her hips and is developing fluid in her lower legs, probably from enforced inactivity.

Robert had invited me to go to the Remembrance service at St John's on the 12th as a candle would be lit for Barbara there, but because of the family I declined. I did light a candle for her here, though. P came round on the Sunday having cancelled a trip to Cornwall and Dorset. She seemed a little more mobile than at the previous Tuesday 's Greek. We watched the film War Horse on TV, which has quite neatly rounded off the last few months.