Another chapter opens as I am determined to 'improve' the garden for 2018, lose weight (I don't mind if dresses no longer fit, they are replaceable), get fit (I'm off to Dartmoor in under 3 weeks) and get back to reading.
So, what's brought this about? Everyday for about six months , while waiting for my bath to fill, was spent reading Robert St John's book 'From the Land of Silent People' recounting his departure from Yugoslavia as the Germans invaded in WW2. My interest was that he went to Crete and also that my uncle was engaged in the war and died when his plane crashed flying back from Albania to Greece. Once read, I quickly switched to Dilys Powell's 'The Villa Ariadne' which recounts the people who populated Sir Arthur Evans house at Knossos. This confirmed that reading settled things in my brain better than scanning the laptop screen.
After Barbara's memorial lunch I was unsettled. That continued through the next day and, to an extent, still lingers. But, I have equipment to prepare ground for a wild flower area and for preparation of a vegetable patch. The preparation of the latter started years ago when I took up an old path and relaid it elsewhere and started tipping lawn cuttings etc on the bare ground to provide some compost. I was tempted to just find another part of the garden as the original site was piled high with woody cuttings and lawn clippings. On Saturday I decided that I must follow my original idea and after 11 hours spread over the next three days, I removed 5 yard sacks of un-composted leaves etc., and 4 green sacks of chipped woody growth and the area is about ready for the tiller.
The exercise bike has come out and after a rather boring time on it on Sunday evening I realised I needed the kindle! So tonight, the TV was put on silent, French Cafe Music played and after strapping the kindle to the bike I rode while reading the first 3 chapters of Elizabeth Bennet, covering some 6 hypothetical Km. The book kept my interest, and I cycled to my fancy (and in time with the music) ... this seems to work.
Monday, 25 September 2017
Thursday, 21 September 2017
21 September
Today was the memorial lunch for Barbara with Robert, Les and Jan. Doris was unable to attend as she had to go to for tests on her hip. There's not much to say except a story I'd never heard before. When Barbara was working at the Rainbow charity shop she would let small children play with things in the 50p toys box while their mothers looked around the shop and then when they left she would let the children take what they were playing with, for free.
I am unsettled. I think the loss moves into a new phase. Rather than the loss of the immediate presence of Barbara (although that pops up at its own will ... tales I would like tell her etc. and I still can't approach the answerphone messages) it is more a deeper remembrance of the times we shared together. The pain is not so acute, but is there as a chronic background ache.
I am unsettled. I think the loss moves into a new phase. Rather than the loss of the immediate presence of Barbara (although that pops up at its own will ... tales I would like tell her etc. and I still can't approach the answerphone messages) it is more a deeper remembrance of the times we shared together. The pain is not so acute, but is there as a chronic background ache.
Monday, 18 September 2017
1st to 18th September
Oh, this blog is slipping rather. Perhaps that's good, perhaps it reflects an increasingly busy life.
On Friday, 1st September I drove up to Suffolk to have another weekend with Lindsay. I stopped at Long Melford and visited Holy Trinity Church, which was stunning. I was really pleased to photograph the Three Hares window as well as the Queen of Hearts (Elizabeth de Mowbray) window, but there was much more, including the Lily-Crucifix window. I ran out of time. Lindsay and I had arranged to go to the same Italian restaurant we had been to one my previous visit, but we turned up to find a wedding party had booked the whole place! We ended up at the Blue Boar at Oulton, which was fine and probably better value.
The next day we took a slow drive to Felbrigg Hall. I think Lindsay likes the fact I'm a life member of the NT as she gets in for free! Felbrigg Hall was very interesting as it was as it had been when lived in by Robert Wyndham Ketton-Cremer, who bequeathed it to the trust. We stopped at Waitrose at North Walsham on the way back and bought a snack for dinner. On Sunday we took a lazy stroll along the promenade at Lowestoft and had lunch in a vegetarian cafe/art gallery which was good. I like Lindsay, but at times her intellectual sharpness (which she has in spades) can be testing. On Monday I 'slo-mo'd' home. I had a very bad night and switched working days to Wed/Thurs.
The Three Hares picture is now my desktop! But apart from that the working week is not going very well; there is silence about Brit; her desk has gone and I have no idea about any documentation etc. I asked June about it and she knew nothing - we agreed that we Brit would not be to blame if she'd just left with everything and given nothing, she was badly treated. June told me she's applied to work next door. All is changing.
Les had left a message about 'Barbara's' fish and chip dinner. I checked the suggested date with Doris and phoned back to firm the arrangement. Doris asked if I would check her scooter and admitted she had no heart for taking it out. I will suggest she might want to sell it (she will have to take a hefty loss, sadly).
Friday I played some more at painting. A second go at the Stourhead picture the previous week had corrected some of the early mistakes and then I switched to the Alhambra picture to focus on washes. That worked even better and I am now starting to see how to bring a painting alive. I found the sheet which may have been the picture Barbara drew of a toddler. I shall keep it.
My eyelids are clear of dermatitis and I've been dressing fully much more frequently - it is so relaxing until the narcissus in me blooms and I need to take photos!
Work on Tuesday and Wednesday. I had decided to focus just on landscape unless someone asked for assistance elsewhere, which Luke did ... I agreed with him that turtle doves are a reason for a planning refusal, as long as there are other reasons as well. The mapping across the north of the district is almost done. June has her new job and will be moving across at the end of the month. At a meeting with LUC and Mike and Adrian on Wednesday I became aware that all the fields around me were to be proposed for housing and there was talk of a new village; also E-J mentioned at the meeting that we would be going out to a consultant for GI. I guess that's that. I fixed a meeting with Mike for the following Tuesday. I worked at home in the afternoon as the chimney sweep was due round (£30 this year). I phoned Doris to confirm next Thursday with her to hear that she has a bad hip and that she has to go to the WHH for a scan. I told her to let me know the outcome.
On Thursday and Friday I finished re-arranging the main bedroom and I have just two mirrors to hang. I've moved the 'studio' photo equipment into it as there is more space than anywhere else. I had some fun with waxing a wig to give more of a back-combed look and tried out my lace dress, which I adore, although the neckline can be awkward.
Saturday 16th was always going to be testing and I was depressed about work, but I had to return to East Grinstead. It turned out OK. Perhaps it was the magic of Three.
Anyway, there were three things I planned to do. To visit to Standen House, built in 1892, an 'Arts and Crafts' house built for a rich solicitor and decorated with William Morris designed fabrics; to photograph the statue of Archibald McIndoe, the pioneering plastic surgeon who treated WW2 pilots suffering from what we now call 'life-changing' burns; and most testing, to go to a concert by John Tams and Barry Coope. All were pleasantly achieved, if at times the concert was a bit tearful.
Now I am free from the responsibilities of being a 'carer' but have the emptiness that goes with losing such a special person, I am trying to find things to do to fill up my head wherever I go, including National Trust properties and I saw that Standen House was at East Grinstead. I knew nothing about it, but it turned out to be very impressive - Arts and Crafts, William Morris etc. with lovely grounds ... a lots of over-excited children! I stayed there until 17.00 and then drove into town to photograph the McIndoe statue.
After a life-saving operation in December 2015 and 3 weeks in intensive care afterwards, Barbara then had plastic surgery at East Grinstead to close a large open wound in her abdomen. A 7"x 5" skin graft was taken from her thigh. It sustained her for the next 15 months until June 28, this year. The Royal Victoria Hospital at East Grinstead is a centre of excellence for plastic and reconstructive surgery, a reputation founded by Archibald McIndoe who devised new ways for treating pilots and others with severe burns. East Grinstead prides itself as having been ''the town that did not stare'. That still has meaning as medics were fascinated by B's abdomen after she had the skin transplant and took any opportunity to look. In addition to the statue I also found that the town boasts one of the longest continuous runs of 14th-century timber-framed buildings in England as well as Sackville College, a 1609 almshouse where 'Good King Wenceslas' was written back in the 19th C.
I arrived at the Chequer Mead theatre about 17.30 and sat in the car reading one of the books I had put in to take to a charity shop! About 18.30 I went in (the first person) and was glad I had done as there was a dramatic thunderstorm so after with hail and sheets of rain.
The concert was the first return by John Tams and Barry Coope to East Grinstead since 2010 when Barbara and I saw them as a birthday treat for B and, I think mentioned elsewhere, her head appears in a final millisecond of a youtube video of part of that performance. This time, of course, I was alone. The first song was the hardest as the memories flooded back, but from then on it was reasonable OK until 'Will I see thee more?'Again, from 2010 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JqGz2AzmrQ That was tough. By now the night was gentle and I drove slowly home.
Sunday, I needed to be sharp as Pauline and I were meeting up with my sister and family at her daughter's in-laws in Tankerton. It was OK and we arranged to go to my niece's for Christmas. I need to ensure that I retain my own time and space, 'though, I need it. Most importantly, my sister had my Irish citizenship papers!
Today I'm fiddling with photos and writing this blog. I'm dressed and playing the John Tams while writing this released emotion I had kept in a little at the weekend - I spoilt my make up! P is having blood tests as there is some concern that she may have Parkinson's.
On Friday, 1st September I drove up to Suffolk to have another weekend with Lindsay. I stopped at Long Melford and visited Holy Trinity Church, which was stunning. I was really pleased to photograph the Three Hares window as well as the Queen of Hearts (Elizabeth de Mowbray) window, but there was much more, including the Lily-Crucifix window. I ran out of time. Lindsay and I had arranged to go to the same Italian restaurant we had been to one my previous visit, but we turned up to find a wedding party had booked the whole place! We ended up at the Blue Boar at Oulton, which was fine and probably better value.
The next day we took a slow drive to Felbrigg Hall. I think Lindsay likes the fact I'm a life member of the NT as she gets in for free! Felbrigg Hall was very interesting as it was as it had been when lived in by Robert Wyndham Ketton-Cremer, who bequeathed it to the trust. We stopped at Waitrose at North Walsham on the way back and bought a snack for dinner. On Sunday we took a lazy stroll along the promenade at Lowestoft and had lunch in a vegetarian cafe/art gallery which was good. I like Lindsay, but at times her intellectual sharpness (which she has in spades) can be testing. On Monday I 'slo-mo'd' home. I had a very bad night and switched working days to Wed/Thurs.
The Three Hares picture is now my desktop! But apart from that the working week is not going very well; there is silence about Brit; her desk has gone and I have no idea about any documentation etc. I asked June about it and she knew nothing - we agreed that we Brit would not be to blame if she'd just left with everything and given nothing, she was badly treated. June told me she's applied to work next door. All is changing.
Les had left a message about 'Barbara's' fish and chip dinner. I checked the suggested date with Doris and phoned back to firm the arrangement. Doris asked if I would check her scooter and admitted she had no heart for taking it out. I will suggest she might want to sell it (she will have to take a hefty loss, sadly).
Friday I played some more at painting. A second go at the Stourhead picture the previous week had corrected some of the early mistakes and then I switched to the Alhambra picture to focus on washes. That worked even better and I am now starting to see how to bring a painting alive. I found the sheet which may have been the picture Barbara drew of a toddler. I shall keep it.
My eyelids are clear of dermatitis and I've been dressing fully much more frequently - it is so relaxing until the narcissus in me blooms and I need to take photos!
Work on Tuesday and Wednesday. I had decided to focus just on landscape unless someone asked for assistance elsewhere, which Luke did ... I agreed with him that turtle doves are a reason for a planning refusal, as long as there are other reasons as well. The mapping across the north of the district is almost done. June has her new job and will be moving across at the end of the month. At a meeting with LUC and Mike and Adrian on Wednesday I became aware that all the fields around me were to be proposed for housing and there was talk of a new village; also E-J mentioned at the meeting that we would be going out to a consultant for GI. I guess that's that. I fixed a meeting with Mike for the following Tuesday. I worked at home in the afternoon as the chimney sweep was due round (£30 this year). I phoned Doris to confirm next Thursday with her to hear that she has a bad hip and that she has to go to the WHH for a scan. I told her to let me know the outcome.
On Thursday and Friday I finished re-arranging the main bedroom and I have just two mirrors to hang. I've moved the 'studio' photo equipment into it as there is more space than anywhere else. I had some fun with waxing a wig to give more of a back-combed look and tried out my lace dress, which I adore, although the neckline can be awkward.
Saturday 16th was always going to be testing and I was depressed about work, but I had to return to East Grinstead. It turned out OK. Perhaps it was the magic of Three.
The Magic of Three - years ago, after a lay off from
mountain walking for some years, I encountered an interesting character, John
Dixon, at the taverna where I was staying in Crete. John was thin and tall with
long hair and proudly showed his walking boots which were handmade for him. It
was clear he had experience in walking, but I think it was his first time to
Crete as he seemed to have strange ideas about the country and the Cretans - he
was quite eccentric, but he helped give me confidence in walking in mountains
again. He had this belief that anything that you could find three reasons for
its being was propitious. At our last
meal he did recount the time he had spent in a mental hospital, but, hey,
everyone's different! That evening a Belgian walker arrived - tall, thin, long
hair ... John said it was a gathering! He was a very kind individual and had
published several guides to walking the hills near his home. I found out some years later that he had died and was sad about that, he had added value to my life.
Anyway, there were three things I planned to do. To visit to Standen House, built in 1892, an 'Arts and Crafts' house built for a rich solicitor and decorated with William Morris designed fabrics; to photograph the statue of Archibald McIndoe, the pioneering plastic surgeon who treated WW2 pilots suffering from what we now call 'life-changing' burns; and most testing, to go to a concert by John Tams and Barry Coope. All were pleasantly achieved, if at times the concert was a bit tearful.
Now I am free from the responsibilities of being a 'carer' but have the emptiness that goes with losing such a special person, I am trying to find things to do to fill up my head wherever I go, including National Trust properties and I saw that Standen House was at East Grinstead. I knew nothing about it, but it turned out to be very impressive - Arts and Crafts, William Morris etc. with lovely grounds ... a lots of over-excited children! I stayed there until 17.00 and then drove into town to photograph the McIndoe statue.
After a life-saving operation in December 2015 and 3 weeks in intensive care afterwards, Barbara then had plastic surgery at East Grinstead to close a large open wound in her abdomen. A 7"x 5" skin graft was taken from her thigh. It sustained her for the next 15 months until June 28, this year. The Royal Victoria Hospital at East Grinstead is a centre of excellence for plastic and reconstructive surgery, a reputation founded by Archibald McIndoe who devised new ways for treating pilots and others with severe burns. East Grinstead prides itself as having been ''the town that did not stare'. That still has meaning as medics were fascinated by B's abdomen after she had the skin transplant and took any opportunity to look. In addition to the statue I also found that the town boasts one of the longest continuous runs of 14th-century timber-framed buildings in England as well as Sackville College, a 1609 almshouse where 'Good King Wenceslas' was written back in the 19th C.
I arrived at the Chequer Mead theatre about 17.30 and sat in the car reading one of the books I had put in to take to a charity shop! About 18.30 I went in (the first person) and was glad I had done as there was a dramatic thunderstorm so after with hail and sheets of rain.
The concert was the first return by John Tams and Barry Coope to East Grinstead since 2010 when Barbara and I saw them as a birthday treat for B and, I think mentioned elsewhere, her head appears in a final millisecond of a youtube video of part of that performance. This time, of course, I was alone. The first song was the hardest as the memories flooded back, but from then on it was reasonable OK until 'Will I see thee more?'Again, from 2010 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JqGz2AzmrQ That was tough. By now the night was gentle and I drove slowly home.
Sunday, I needed to be sharp as Pauline and I were meeting up with my sister and family at her daughter's in-laws in Tankerton. It was OK and we arranged to go to my niece's for Christmas. I need to ensure that I retain my own time and space, 'though, I need it. Most importantly, my sister had my Irish citizenship papers!
Today I'm fiddling with photos and writing this blog. I'm dressed and playing the John Tams while writing this released emotion I had kept in a little at the weekend - I spoilt my make up! P is having blood tests as there is some concern that she may have Parkinson's.
Thursday, 7 September 2017
27 - 30 August 2017
Monday 21, was fine - the charity shop encounter awakened my senses.
Tuesday 22, I went into work before going out on site to check landscape.
Wednesday 23, I went into work and had a meeting with ER-J, Brit and Martin Randall (RSPB) ... afterwards B and E-J updated me ... B is leaving ... that is a disaster and I may also leave. Late Wednesday Alison and I attended the UOTD Dover Totems opening - good fun all round with a hog roast. Everyone was very friendly - Roger W and Sue C, and I had a good chat with Roger Wragg.
Thursday 24, household duties called and I carried on the slow sort out of all the things left undone over the last three years.
Friday 25, I was looking forward to Tom coming round and dressed ... new stripey MandCo top over a long skirt. Tom dressed and we got straight into watercolour painting. I found a picture of the White Cliffs and found the Yarmouth Herring Buss pane on the PC. We used those. All in all a very pleasant and rewarding couple of hours learning the rudiments of painting. I sat for a while after he had gone, reading a book on watercolour painting that Barbara had.
Saturday 26, I started a new painting, trying to copy the Stourhead photo ... it rapidly went wrong, but I didn't mind as that's the point - to learn. after I just took it easy as in the evening P and I were due to go to the Astor for Chris's 65th. Chris's 'non-party' turned out very well. There was a string quartet to begin, then a gluten-free snack buffet (chickpea batter for fish works very well) followed by an extended version of 'The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly'. We sat with the lesbian neighbours who are always good company.
Sunday 27, I almost finished cleaning the main room and dressed.
Monday 28th,
Tuesday 29th, Adrian cancelled the team meeting on the basis not many were in - there were six of us and we think he didn't want to have to deal with Brit's departure. As usual I went home at lunchtime and carried on working from there. June had a map for me, which was a relief, as I was worried that she wouldn't be able to do my GIS work.
I took Wednesday off as I was going in on Thursday for Brit's leaving lunch. Adrian wasn't in the office which was a relief all round. We went to the Ciderworks and I treated everyone to a drink. Afterwards I went home to carry on mapping there.
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